Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
