That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize