I have demons in me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
