Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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