Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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