I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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