I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
