Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
