he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
