woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
