addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's Friday. Sex?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
