on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Everclear isn't food dammit
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
