I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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