I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
