i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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