Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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