Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
