Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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