And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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