So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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