with your own penis?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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