Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whod you bang
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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