I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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