its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
