but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
