i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
