Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
