she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize