we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
