so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
