I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone shit on the floor
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize