thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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