I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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