Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
