I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
