And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
