I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
