Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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