I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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