dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
