wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
