My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
