just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize