what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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