I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
