Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
