I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pooping to opera.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
