He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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