come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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