having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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