How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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