I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
