her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize