I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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