I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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