weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
