dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
