i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
