I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
