If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
