Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
