it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
