I think my fart just growled at me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
