worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
