I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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