well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ketchup is God's man juice
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
