He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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